How many of us search out pain? Most of us don’t really even think about avoiding pain but how many times have you thought “Oh if I could win the lottery my life would be perfect!” We know that God wants to use us and we like the idea of God using us but the practical application isn’t always as easy. We have been told God doesn’t care about our comfort he cares about our character but what does that really mean?? We know that in the bible it says:
Matthew 6:26 - Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? So are we getting conflicting messages from God. NO! He loves us and wants to use each and every one of us but we can be self focused. It is hard to put your eyes on God when the house payment is late or the electricity is going to be cut off. But that is the place he wants us to grow to.
Today is the one year anniversary of Alexandra’s passing. As I reflect on this year, I have had some great experiences and there have been some really bad moments as well. One of the things that I have thought about and prayed over was the day of the accident. When the accident happened the first thing I did was pray. I was praying out loud. Not a silent one, under my breath but a loud declaration to the Lord. I yelled out “You are the Great Physician and you can heal my child.” All of this was before I even had a chance to see Alex. When I finally did get to see her I knew that God has chosen to take my beautiful daughter. At that moment I began to thank the Lord for my Alex and saying I love you. I think it may have been a cross between a heart-felt thanks and a pleading for him to give me back my child.Over this past year I have developed an amazing relationship with Jesus and I know that this is just the beginning. I have LOTS of work to do to keep this relationship functioning properly and keep me growing the way I am supposed to.
Before Alex passed I was completely self focused. We saw today that at some point in our lives we think we are the center of the universe. And I can say now that I MUST decrease while he increases. I do not think (by any stretch of my imagination) that I have become completely God focused. That is what I am working on.
So what does this have to do with pain? Well pain is a great vehicle. It may not be the most comfortable ride but it will get you to the place God wants you! I started thinking about the pain we have seen in our life times or the pain we have been told about and how it effects us. As most of us avoid pain what would have happened if Mary had avoided the pain she went through to have Jesus? And of course what if Jesus had avoided the pain he endured for each of us? WHERE WOULD WE BE??? Lost and even more desperate than where we are now!!
So while we are always trying to avoid pain maybe it’s time we rethink this path. Maybe instead of “Oh God! Why ME!” Maybe it’s time we say “ok Lord I may not understand but I trust you.” “Show me what I am supposed to learn from this”. You may just learn that God has a completely different direction for you. I know that this isn’t the direction I envisioned for my life but I also know that I trust God. He loves me! Not only that but he LOVES MY DAUGHTER!!! And He only has what’s best for all of us at heart. I may not see how losing Alex is the best but I trust him. I know he brought her home when it was the most merciful for her.
As I sit here I am beyond thankful for 10 years, 6 weeks and 2 glorious days that I got to share with the most beautiful little girl!!! I cannot wait until I get to see her again. I am thankful for an absolutely amazing bunch of folks who make up Southbrook Church. You guys have loved on us, encouraged us, and stood besides us this whole time!!
I was blessed by one of the Amazing Southbrook folks. Denise Covert gave me a heartfelt image of Alex that I had not thought of before. I know that when God chooses to call me home not only will I be ready to gaze at his face but I will get to see my sweet girl jumping up and down waving her arms welcoming me home! Until that time whenever I am in need of comfort from the pain I will not only ask Jesus “What do I need to do for you Lord?” But I will also run to him just like this and ask for him to give me peace when I need it.
