Thursday, June 9, 2011

To My Parents

I was watching the today show this morning as they were congratulations Ann Curry about her new position as anchor. As they were going through her life they showed when both of her parents passed away.
While most of you know I have given my daughter back to God I have not had to grieve my parents passing. As I watched her celebrate their lives and how they impacted her I began to think on my parents.
I have been blessed with the most generous, loving, amazing parents there are on this earth. I know some of you may disagree but all I have to say about that is TOUGH this is my blog and they are! :)
My folks divorced when I was 5 but they both have given me so much over the years that I have to say a great big THANK YOU!

If I could shout it from the rooftops or put it on Broadway I would. Unfortunately I can’t but I can tell you and the world how much I love and adore both of you.
As Father’s Day approaches I have to stop and think on the quiet, strength that my Dad possess. His grace abounds in so many ways. My Father is a great man, a great friend, a great brother, a great son, and a great husband. My Dad has loved me when I thought no man would. He has told me that I am beautiful when I thought that was impossible. He has supported me even when he may not have agreed with what I was doing. He showed me what my husband was supposed to be like. He told me what I should and shouldn’t accept/expect from a man. My Dad will also tell you that he doesn’t think he did any of these things. That is what makes him a great teacher too! He shows you in his way so you learn in your own way! I love you Daddy! You will always be my Daddy! Please know that your daughter loves you more than you can ever know! Thank you for loving my husband and being his friend. Thank you for showing him love he may have never known without you!
Mother’s Day just passed and I was blessed to not only spend it with my children but my mother, grandmother, cousins, aunts and uncle! My Mother made this happen! My Mother has helped to shape me into the woman I am! I can only say THANK YOU because I really like who I am! God gave me the greatest gift when he allowed me to be your daughter. You have pushed me to strive harder and supported me even when I made some bad choices. You always pointed me back to God when I felt like I was all alone. You picked me up when I stumbled. You kissed all my boo-boos away and told me that even when I fall it is getting back up that counts! You told me that men would come and go in my life but I would always have my mom! You prayed for my husband before we even knew who he was. You continue to pray for him daily and you are one of the reasons we have the marriage we do! You are a great MOM, a great friend, a great woman, a great wife, and a great daughter! You stick by me through thick and thin. You help me to be a better mom. You help me to see how God sees me. You are an amazing woman and I am so thankful for you!

Mom & Dad if you didn’t hear it in my words please know that . . . . .
I can’t imagine how my life would have been without you are my parents. Thank you for all that you have done and continue to do! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you!
From your daughter
Deana “DeeAnne” (Dee) Annette Brummett Langley

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Clinging to the Rock of Faith

Well it is 4 days til the 2nd anniversary of Alex’s homecoming. The past two years have been interesting to say the least. How can two years have flown by so fast and yet seem like the slowest sands through the hourglass?
As I have been mourning recently I have been blessed to speak with lots of wonderful people. As I have been battered through this period I realized that I have been clinging to my faith. I have heard so many say “It is so good you have your faith.” Well I am just like everyone else feeling like I don’t have even a mustard seed of faith. Then I also realize that as I have been battered I am clinging to this rock as the waves pound over me.
I began to get that image in my head. Me in the middle of an ocean of pain, strife, grief, anger, and despair. As I am drowning I am holding on to the sustainable rock. The rock doesn’t move, doesn’t give in, and doesn’t back down. My hands are cut, and bloodied from holding on to this rock but it is all I have to keep me alive.
That is God to me right now. I hurt so deep that words couldn’t explain the magnitude. My heart has been shattered into so many pieces you couldn’t possible put it back together. Like a broken plate that can’t be repair it just needs to be thrown away. And even though I hurt I cling to this rock. I don’t know how to not cling to this rock.
I have read my bible several times. Do I know it all? NO not even close but there are passages that I hold in my soul and mind. I cling to these words. I know that either God tells the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Or he is a liar. There is no in between. He can’t be truthful some of the time. It’s either all or nothing. So I believe his word.
I know lots of people in tough times cling to Jeremiah 29:11
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
And I love that scripture too. I have been holding on to that rock knowing that God has a plan. I don’t understand the plan. I wish that this wasn’t his plan. I would rather have my daughter in my arms. To see how tall she has become. To hear her speak of boys as she is getting ready for her 7th grade dance. I wish for so many things like that but I know God has a plan for me. She has the easy part. She is with him and knows the plan. I am the one down here having to suffer through with it. But Jeremiah 29:11 isn’t all of the scripture. There is more:
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. [b] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."
I don’t know if over the past two years if I have sought him diligently with all my heart 20% of the time but I know I have some. I know I have stomped my feet and shook my fist at him too. But I also know that I am holding on with everything I am to his promise.
I am clinging to faith. I am clinging to God. For I know I am nothing without him. I can do nothing without him. I need him.
Father I know I am impatient. I know I am not where you want me to be but please continue to point me in the direction I am supposed to go. Thank you for giving Alex to me for the time I had her. Help my heart to heal. Help Matt to heal as well. Please hold our family in your hands. Please allow us to be transparent enough for you to shine through.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Philippians 3:19 - by Dee

It’s 11:45pm on Sunday 12/20/09 and I am still awake! Why? Cause God wants to talk. I have these moments where God says: “Ok you’re not distracted, you can’t tune me out anymore, and I won’t let you sleep until I get to say a few words to you!” Of course like every human being who thinks they know better I try and rationalize whether I’m hearing from God or if Satan is trying to torture me.
He gives me a verse, Philippians 3:19. Now my mind jumps straight to Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” So again here I am trying to rationalize. I know that verse VERY WELL! “No” he says Philippians 3:19. And of course I don’t know that verse. So again I think is this really God? I lay in the dark for a little while longer hoping to fall asleep or maybe get some other verses but neither happens. I run over the books of the bible in my head and try to settle maybe on one that was in Pastor Rob’s sermon from this morning. “No” he says Philippians 3:19. Ok I get it! I will go read it now. Downstairs I go, open my bible and this is what it said:
They are headed for destruction. Their god is their appetite, they brag about shameful things, and they think only about this life here on earth.

I have heard Pastor Rob say that Paul and Timothy wrote the letters to the Church at Philipi. This was one of those letters. When I first read this passage I didn’t understand do I decided to read the beginning of the letter to the end of the chapter. Phil 3:17-21
Dear brothers and sisters, pattern your lives after mine, and learn from those who follow our example. 18 For I have told you often before, and I say it again with tears in my eyes, that there are many whose conduct shows they are really enemies of the cross of Christ. 19 They are headed for destruction. Their god is their appetite, they brag about shameful things, and they think only about this life here on earth. 20 But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for him to return as our Savior. 21 He will take our weak mortal bodies and change them into glorious bodies like his own, using the same power with which he will bring everything under his control.

These words exploded to me. I admit I am a slave to my appetite! I eat, I overeat, I sinfully eat. I hate myself when I eat! I wish I didn’t have to eat. But I do and I have let this become a God. I AM SORRY FATHER! HELP ME! You made me, You know me, I CAN’T DO THIS ON MY OWN! I NEED YOU!
Most of you who know me know that I am a very musical person. I am always singing some tune and it doesn’t take much to get a tune stuck in my head. While I am at this point writing down what is happening this tune shows up.
Peter Frampton’s I want you to show me the way.

Oh won't you show me the way
I want you to show me the way
I want you day after day

And that is what I need Father; I want you to show me the way! Most of you know that I have battled my weight since high school. It hasn’t been a huge battle being a teenager but as I got older it has been a knock down, drag out, Mike Tyson fight. Well right now my appetite is winning. THIS STINKS!!! I know lots of people have weight issues but I am a Christ Follower and I am not supposed to have any God’s before him. Yet I do! I have lost this weight twice before only to have gained it back. I am now officially at my heaviest weight again for the second time! And I have heard a bunch of folks say “Well, after this past year you have had every reason to eat.” Yeah I do have the reason but it doesn’t mean I should have done it. I am tired of this God running my life! I only have one God and I can’t serve two masters. FATHER YOU ARE THE ONE TRUE GOD!! HELP ME!!! You said in your word:
1 Samuel 17:47
All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves; for the battle is the LORD's, and he will give all of you into our hands."

Father this battle is yours I can’t fight it! I don’t have the strength! I am weak Father please help me! I have been seeing a gastric bypass doctor for over two months now and it will probably be another two months before I have the surgery but having God give this verse to me tonight made me realize that I have had another God before him. I have/am trying to live this life on my own. I don’t want to do that. I want to walk with him daily. I pray daily. I pray pretty much hourly. I talk with God all day but I have been serving my other master. Now it is time to serve the ONE AND ONLY TRUE GOD!

We have been completely reorganizing our house. We hadn’t touched the house in 16months. It has been a rough road but we had been leaning on God or so I thought. Really we had been just kind of surviving. Getting up and breathing every day. Existing. Does that make sense?? I hadn’t been living. I had been going through the motions but I wasn’t really living. Well this past October when we began this journey with the weight loss clinic it was the beginning of the refreshing of the Langley household. We cleaned out the clutter in the house. We reorganized, and we began to live again. We have begun to grow again. Guess what?!? Growth hurts! Remember when you were about 13 or 14? Do you remember crying because your legs hurt so bad? I do! Well here I am again, hurting! God used Philippians 3:19 to show me what I am doing. So I hit my knees and beg him for help as only he can.