It’s 11:45pm on Sunday 12/20/09 and I am still awake! Why? Cause God wants to talk. I have these moments where God says: “Ok you’re not distracted, you can’t tune me out anymore, and I won’t let you sleep until I get to say a few words to you!” Of course like every human being who thinks they know better I try and rationalize whether I’m hearing from God or if Satan is trying to torture me.
He gives me a verse, Philippians 3:19. Now my mind jumps straight to Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” So again here I am trying to rationalize. I know that verse VERY WELL! “No” he says Philippians 3:19. And of course I don’t know that verse. So again I think is this really God? I lay in the dark for a little while longer hoping to fall asleep or maybe get some other verses but neither happens. I run over the books of the bible in my head and try to settle maybe on one that was in Pastor Rob’s sermon from this morning. “No” he says Philippians 3:19. Ok I get it! I will go read it now. Downstairs I go, open my bible and this is what it said:
They are headed for destruction. Their god is their appetite, they brag about shameful things, and they think only about this life here on earth.
I have heard Pastor Rob say that Paul and Timothy wrote the letters to the Church at Philipi. This was one of those letters. When I first read this passage I didn’t understand do I decided to read the beginning of the letter to the end of the chapter. Phil 3:17-21
Dear brothers and sisters, pattern your lives after mine, and learn from those who follow our example. 18 For I have told you often before, and I say it again with tears in my eyes, that there are many whose conduct shows they are really enemies of the cross of Christ. 19 They are headed for destruction. Their god is their appetite, they brag about shameful things, and they think only about this life here on earth. 20 But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for him to return as our Savior. 21 He will take our weak mortal bodies and change them into glorious bodies like his own, using the same power with which he will bring everything under his control.
These words exploded to me. I admit I am a slave to my appetite! I eat, I overeat, I sinfully eat. I hate myself when I eat! I wish I didn’t have to eat. But I do and I have let this become a God. I AM SORRY FATHER! HELP ME! You made me, You know me, I CAN’T DO THIS ON MY OWN! I NEED YOU!
Most of you who know me know that I am a very musical person. I am always singing some tune and it doesn’t take much to get a tune stuck in my head. While I am at this point writing down what is happening this tune shows up.
Peter Frampton’s I want you to show me the way.
Oh won't you show me the way
I want you to show me the way
I want you day after day
And that is what I need Father; I want you to show me the way! Most of you know that I have battled my weight since high school. It hasn’t been a huge battle being a teenager but as I got older it has been a knock down, drag out, Mike Tyson fight. Well right now my appetite is winning. THIS STINKS!!! I know lots of people have weight issues but I am a Christ Follower and I am not supposed to have any God’s before him. Yet I do! I have lost this weight twice before only to have gained it back. I am now officially at my heaviest weight again for the second time! And I have heard a bunch of folks say “Well, after this past year you have had every reason to eat.” Yeah I do have the reason but it doesn’t mean I should have done it. I am tired of this God running my life! I only have one God and I can’t serve two masters. FATHER YOU ARE THE ONE TRUE GOD!! HELP ME!!! You said in your word:
1 Samuel 17:47
All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves; for the battle is the LORD's, and he will give all of you into our hands."
Father this battle is yours I can’t fight it! I don’t have the strength! I am weak Father please help me! I have been seeing a gastric bypass doctor for over two months now and it will probably be another two months before I have the surgery but having God give this verse to me tonight made me realize that I have had another God before him. I have/am trying to live this life on my own. I don’t want to do that. I want to walk with him daily. I pray daily. I pray pretty much hourly. I talk with God all day but I have been serving my other master. Now it is time to serve the ONE AND ONLY TRUE GOD!
We have been completely reorganizing our house. We hadn’t touched the house in 16months. It has been a rough road but we had been leaning on God or so I thought. Really we had been just kind of surviving. Getting up and breathing every day. Existing. Does that make sense?? I hadn’t been living. I had been going through the motions but I wasn’t really living. Well this past October when we began this journey with the weight loss clinic it was the beginning of the refreshing of the Langley household. We cleaned out the clutter in the house. We reorganized, and we began to live again. We have begun to grow again. Guess what?!? Growth hurts! Remember when you were about 13 or 14? Do you remember crying because your legs hurt so bad? I do! Well here I am again, hurting! God used Philippians 3:19 to show me what I am doing. So I hit my knees and beg him for help as only he can.
