Sunday, December 28, 2008

No Life is an Incomplete Life : By Dee

"What a precious thing a daughter is." (extracted from Greg Laurie’s words)

As I read Greg Laurie’s Blog about his son Christopher “Topher”, I realized he said some things that I wanted to say. I have used his blog and inserted some things about Alex that I have wanted to say. Saturday, August 30, 2008 was the worst day of my life. The unimaginable happened. We never think about our children leaving this earth before us. But it happened when my daughter, Alexandra, was suddenly called to heaven. At first, the fear was consuming. It was like I walked into the worst dream I had ever had, I wanted to wake up and I wanted it to stop! But it wouldn't. As I tried to gather my wits about me I felt God’s hand. As the confusion lead to the realization of what was happening I started to call on God’s name and call on his promises. “Father God you raised Lazarus from the dead I call on you to do the same thing for Alexandra. You are the great physician and I am your child.” As the situation became crystal clear I began thanking him for saving Will and giving me Alex. I told Alex how much I love her, how I was blessed by being her mother! But in the end, there are no answers for a situation like the loss of a daughter. In accepting God's will, Job said,"Naked I came from my mother's womb,And naked shall I return.The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away;Blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21 NKJV) In acceptance, there is peace, but not always answers. God grants us "a peace that passes understanding," not one that necessarily gives understanding. There is no "why" in the midst of our pain, just "what" and "who." I love my daughter with all of my heart, she was the most precious girl from the moment I felt her next to my heart. We love Alexandra! Not only do we pray for Alex but her grandparents do as well. She knew that, and we know she loved us. The last years of her life were wonderous. On July 31, 2005 she had committed herself to the Lord, and was baptized. People would often come up to me and say, "Alex, is such a wonderful girl and she always wants to help!” Alexandra’s calling was to use her skills to glorify God and point others to Christ. I love to worship God and I hope in some part I showed her how to do that. That is why I do what I do.

I cry for Alexandra every day. Sometimes, every hour. Sometimes, every few minutes. I miss her and I wish I could take her place, but I can't. There are times that I wish I was with her, but I can’t be. Matthew is grieving with me. He has become the Godliest husband I could ever know. I cannot imagine why the Lord would think so much of me to allow me to have such a wonderful husband.

We trust God through all of this, and we are trying to keep our hearts open to whatever His will may be. Our church family has been an amazing source of support every step of the way.
Matthew’s grandparents are in their 90’s and have said before that they are ready to be called home. Quoting the verse from 2 Timothy 4 verse 7:"I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful. And now the prize awaits me—the crown of righteousness that the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on that great day of his return. And the prize is not just for me but for all who eagerly look forward to his glorious return." (vv. 7–8 NLT)

No life is an incomplete life.

Alexandra completed her task. She finished her race, and she is in the arms of Jesus. But I will be honest with you; I still deeply, deeply miss her. Matt said the other night as we were driving home from Alex’s school memorial concert. “We wonder what kind of parents we are.” “Obviously we did what we were supposed to do cause Alex did her job!” I remember a lot of things about my beautiful girl! One of my memories is the little thing she used to do every night. We would say prayers, read our bible story, give “sugars” and hugs, then turn out the lights to go to bed. It would never fail that as soon as I shut her door “Momma . . . “. “Yes, Alexandra” I would say. And the sweetest simplest words would come out “I love you!”
“I Love you too baby girl!”

Greg Laurie wrote this about losing his son in July of this year: "There is a story I have often told about a time I took Topher shopping for Star Wars figures in the late '70s. I had told him to pick out one he wanted. He thought about it a long time, and finally decided on one of the small figurines from the bottom shelf, which as I recall, was the Han Solo one. Meanwhile, I had been looking three shelves up at Solo's spacecraft, the Millennium Falcon. I said, "Well, why don't we get this to go with your new figure?" His little eyes lit up. "Dad! Thank you!" And he gave me a big hug. We would come home from the toy store with some big new prize like this, and sometimes my wife would roll her eyes, because we really couldn't afford it. But then Topher and I would run upstairs to his room, plop on the floor, open up the toys, and play with them together. Looking back now, I don't regret any of it. Nor does my wife. After a while, Christopher learned that when we were in a toy store and I asked him what he wanted, his best bet was to say, "You choose, Dad!" And I would always get him something better than he would have chosen for himself. I have often used that as an illustration to point out that we should let God choose for us, and never be afraid to commit an unknown future to a known God. God's plans for you will always be better than your plans for yourself. (see Jeremiah 29:11—13)"

As Greg pointed out: now in this moment of crisis, I am the daughter and I am in the place where I am saying to God, "You choose." It's not the choice I would make, but I believe He has chosen well, and I rejoice that my daughter is in heaven with Jesus Christ. My heart is broken, but I also know I will see her again. This all has made heaven closer and earth less attractive to me. It has increased my burden for people who do not know the Lord. I have a personal investment in heaven. It has made me even more diligent to help me learn how to worship our Lord!

Thank you for your prayers—and even for your expressions of personal pain. I have been called by great men and women of God who have spoken into my life in ways I have never heard before, about what the Lord will do through these days of loss and grieving. It is a luxury I do not deserve. But this we know, our faith is real. There is Life—Life with a capital "L"—after death. Jesus said, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live. And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die" (John 11:25 NKJV).
And then He must have looked His friend Martha right in the eyes, and said, "Do you believe this?" (v. 26) I do believe it.

Jesus also said, "I assure you, those who listen to my message and believe in God who sent me have eternal life. They will never be condemned for their sins, but they have already passed from death into life" (John 5:24 NLT).

Thank God for that hope. I trust you have it, too. If you don't, Please go to or call this number 1-800-need-him


Anonymous said...

We love you!

Anonymous said...

Dear Dee and Matt,

I have thought and prayed for your family throughout this holiday, actually I really haven't stopped praying for all of you since your precious Alex was called home to be with our Lord and Savior. Alex was so thoughtful and helpful to us in Children's Ministry at Southbrook, I can only imagine the help she is to God in Heaven.

Take care and my thoughts and prayers are with you all.
Sue Lloyd (fellow Brookie)

Anonymous said...

Love you both very are both an inspiration and role models in your strength. I love when you mentioned that Matt said when you wonder what parents you are and Alex was an awesome example of it! Many hugs to you all!

Trisha Crawley

Anonymous said...


JamesW said...

Oh Dee, I had no idea. I am so sorry to hear for your loss, but thank the Lord for His strength, His grace and His will in her life and in yours. What you have written here and how you proclaim this great love of His truly stands as a light upon a hill for all to see.

I look forward to meeting Alex and all those that she brought to come with her. I look forward to seeing you again as well, but hope that it is (a least a bit) sooner.

God bless and bless God,